Getting Organized...Sort of.

I have decided to take my own advice.

I am frequently asked, "How did you get the courage to start your own business? How did you know what to do? I want to do [something other than what I'm doing now] but I have no idea where to start." And I almost always answer, "Figure out how you can do what you love and get paid for doing it. Pray. Pray. Pray. Then take the next step." I find that most people want to know what the path looks like that will take them from Point A to Point B. That's just not realistic, it's also not very much fun!

Take into consideration this passage from Psalm 119: "Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path." Those that have been apart of the Christian culture for a long time know this better as the Amy Grant song: Thy Word
. Loooove it. I used to sing it while my junior high bestie, Jen, played it masterfully on the piano. Alas, I digress. I mention that piece of Scripture because as Master of the Universe, God already knows how we are to get from Point A to Point B and how the path will point our hearts and others toward Jesus for healing, freedom, liberation, and grace. I truly believe that no matter where Point A is (a lonely marriage, a hair-raising parenting situation, a bored-to-tears work environment, younameit)we are best off seeking God for directions to Point B (a joyfilled marriage with that spouse, a support group for parents like you, a job that you love, letHimnameit). God's Word to us is clear that we should seek Him first and that we can find Him in the Holy Scriptures. Also known as the Bible, for clarity's sake.

What He has shown me over the years is that when I seek Him, I will find Him, and He will give me just enough light for the next step. His Word is a lamp unto my path...not a GPS that gives directions for the entire route as soon as I enter in the destination.

Is this making sense?

Like I said, I'm taking my own advice: "Pray. Pray. Pray. Then take the next step." I've already figured out what I love to do and how to get paid for doing it. I am a storyteller at my core. I have told stories to anyone that would listen since...well at least since elementary school. I got in trouble for it then but I'm planning to get paid for it now. I have gotten to speak at several women's events and I have a blast doing it...as well as the discussion that follows. I had a lot of ministry connections in Colorado but now I'm in Austin. I don't know where to begin. I don't know how to get new people to trust that I can tell a story, make sense, be funny, and inspire others when they've never heard me.

So, in taking my own advice, I have slowed down (my mind was racing with things I thought I should be doing) and thought about my truest desires. Here are a few:
1. To glorify God.
2. To be true to myself as God made me.
3. To encourage single moms and to help others know how to support them.
4. To go where He sends me.
I have prayed about the next step. I believe it is this: Find a Mentor. So, I'm asking around. Jen Hatmaker recently told me to "Keep your eyes
peeled...sometimes these connections are surprising and don't look exactly
like you thought" after asking if she would be available to mentor me. What can I say? I start at the top! Her words are wise and a good reminder to "go where He sends me". So I'm looking for a mentor and I'm also blogging. But you know what? I don't really like to write stories, I like to speak them. So I believe I'll be video blogging in the near future. Of course, this will involve outlining some stories, setting up a YouTube account, and figuring out how to record myself on my iPhone. But hey, that sounds pretty fun!

And then here's the goodie. Today, as I was talking to God about all of this, He reminded me that this journey should be about quality, not quantity. Anytime I have an idea that points to God and not to me, I know God put the thought in my heart. On this journey, quality means immersing myself in the Scriptures so that my stories are infused with God's stories. It means training myself to write, speak, and network in the ways known to be best practices. It means dedicating free time to it: sacrificing leisurely reading for industry/spiritual reading, sacrificing TV time for Vlog time, etc. Bottom line: I'm not going to get to Point B without a lot of hard work. And I want to arrive there because people were touched by stories, came back for more, and told their friends about me. I want to arrive there because I pointed people to Jesus and they couldn't get enough of Him.

I realize that I'm not going get from Point A to Point B overnight. Of course I want to get there overnight, I'm human. But I've traveled enough to know that the journey is sweetest when I let God be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

Be a Self-Starter. Today!

Does being single suck?

Honestly? Sometimes.

But not as much as it sucks to be in one-way relationship. And not as much as it sucks to neglect important areas of life due to the distraction that is called dating.

I've been single now for four years and have done my fair share of dating. I never knew there to be so many "right" ways for a woman to date but one finds out quickly the opinions of those around her when she (stupidly) brings up the dating struggle. And I say "struggle" because it has been a struggle for me. Some women, God love 'em, don't struggle with relationships with the opposite sex. Oh how I wish that was true of me! But the truth of the matter is that I DON'T DATE WELL.

There you have it. The truth. I suck at dating. So no-for me, being single doesn't suck. It's the desire to be married and the so-called dating that would lead to marriage that sucks. (Don't worry, even I am getting sick of the word suck already.)

If you know me well at all or have read much of my blog, you know that I am a huge fan (it's almost idolatry) of Cloud and Townsend. I drink up their books, videos, and radio programs like water on Y2K. I adore them. And so when I was looking for a new book on relationships, I ordered Henry Coud's book How to Get a Date Worth Keeping. He says explicitly that one should not date for marriage, but date for dating. Certainly, he's not arguing for hook-ups and playing the field...he's saying that dating should be for getting to know lots of different people casually. Good, it makes sense. I tried it and got myself a boyfriend. Awesome honeymoon stage and then BOOM! it was over. Sadness, depression, and self-doubt ensued.

Pitiful.

I've been on lots of dates since moving to Austin 6 months ago (where does the time go? no really, where?) and I have recently decided to put dating on the shelf. First of all, I just don't have time for it. 9 times out of 10, the guy is not going to wow me and I'm sorry, but I'd rather spend those 9 planned outings with my son. Second, the anxiety that I felt while trying to talk myself into going out with someone that I didn't actually find attractive was killing me. I was literally losing sleep over it. See? I told you. I suck at dating. When I finally let myself off the dating hook, I felt sooo relieved! And do you know what I felt for the first time, like, ever? The peace from trusting that when God wants me to meet the one He has planned for me, He'll set us up. I'm not living under a rock, hoping that God will deliver Mr Wonderful via FedEx (now that's just crazy). I have a life, I have interests, I get out of the house and meet people. But good golly, I'll no longer be on the look out, hoping I'm coming across as "approachable". What a flippin' relief!!

So...I've been reading a fabulous book by the super savvy Vicki Courtney. In 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Son, Vicki shares some sage wisdom. In the chapter titled Real Man or Peter Pan? she writes "...this puts a real burden of responsibility on parents' shoulders to prepare our sons in advance for the possibility of marriage in their young to mid-twenties. It is also our responsibility to raise them to "date with marriage in mind," rather than prescribe to the culture's mind-set that dating and sex are recreational hobbies." You know what? YEAH!!! That's right! Men in their 30s are different. They're fine with being single. And why wouldn't they be? They get everything without commitment. Shame on us.
Shame on them. Shame on their parents. Shame, shame, shame. (I'm poking fun at myself now)

If I'm totally honest here, what I truly desire is to be pursued by a man who has a godly marriage in mind. Simple. It is that darn simple. I have been sooo confused and hurt and baffled and deflated because I kept convincing myself that I didn't really desire this. That I desired something less, something casual, something...else.

Ladies, do you hear me? Does this resonate with you? Does it freak you out to think of dating with marriage in mind? Are you hopeless about the kind of men that are out there and available?

Please join me in keeping my promise to myself and to God that I will not settle. I will trust Him as Matchmaker. To put a little twist on that passage in Matthew: if He provides mates for the birds, how much more will He provide for us?

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

Lately some curve balls have been thrown my way that have caused me to batten down the hatches on my core-self.
I'll try to explain without throwing anyone under the bus. A couple of weeks ago, I found out that a co-worker had been bad-mouthing me to other co-workers--frequently. She had no beef with me other than, apparently, finding me to be very annoying. (Join the club!) I was surprised. Not so much by her distaste for me, but by the blatant immaturity and lack of professionalism on her part. I took about 24 hours to think about the situation and asked God how I should respond to it. I wondered if there was something I needed to apologize for and if I should have a conversation with my co-worker. After reflecting and doing a little research into the comments, I knew I had not wronged her. I also knew that I couldn't control how she felt about me or what she said about me when I wasn't listening.
So I decided to continue loving God, loving myself, and loving others just as I had been but to be extra careful in loving her. It took a little reminding of the fact that God has defined me and if what He says about me is true, no one's like or dislike of me can redefine me.
Treating her with kindness seems to have diffused the situation.
But I had a sharper curve ball thrown at me after that. This one made me really consider what God is calling me to. Can I continue to reject the mindset that Christians in leadership need to "be" something in particular (namely sweet, positive, gung-ho, and perfect)? Do I need to stifle any cynicism or tendency to go against the grain? Will questioning Christian culture deter others from loving Jesus? Do I need to edit my thoughts at all times for fear of offending someone?
After countless hours of prayer and reflection, I am even more settled in my resolve that I will be who I am in Jesus Christ. Who I am in Christ is righteous despite my unrighteousness. Christ allows me to question Christian culture, to ponder authority, to go against the grain. Why? Because that's who I am. He made me this way for some reason, and whatever that reason is, whomever my life may touch, is up to Him. I am resolved to be authentic and imperfect and constantly moving forward in my relationship with God. I will go where He takes me but I will live to please Him, not fellow man (or in this case, fellow women). If I have an audience, large or small, I trust Him to use my actual life and lifestyle to minister His love, generosity, healing, and power to that audience.

Do you feel free to live your life out loud?

And on that note, I want to wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving! :)

I didn't know until today that Jesus even meets my desire for dessert

but now I know. Jesus guided me to Austin, then he nudged me over to Grace Covenant Church, and then by His grace I found my small group, and in this small group I met Karen.
Karen bakes gluten free and dairy free desserts and she get some of her recipes from Chocolate Covered Katie. Yesterday, Karen and I became friends on Facebook (which I thank God for)and I saw a recipe on her page. I clicked the link. It took me to Jesus' answer to my seemlingly-unable-to-co-exist desires for health and dessert.
I just made gluten free chocolate chip blondies.

THANK YOU JESUS!!

PS Jackson is gluten sensitive (more about that in another post) and I am dairy sensitive...so dessert is tricky for us.

Taken Seriously...An article on the Christian's calling to support single parents

God blessed me through the generosity of his followers during the first two years of my single mom life. Although I sometimes wondered how I would put food on the table or buy Jackson new shoes, a generous gift would come through just in time. But--to be totally, embarrassingly honest--when I wasn't struggling anymore and I looked back on the situation, I wondered why some of my very closest friends who were quite comfortable financially never offered to help. I definitely don't hold it against them, but it helped me to see that single moms need to have the courage to talk about their fears and their needs...as this article tells us.

A Single Parent’s Call to Outrageous Faith
by Janet Whitley

October 18,1988 is a day that will be etched in my brain until the day I die. It's the day the judge pronounced that my marriage was irretrievably broken. I walked out of that courthouse a divorced single mom with five sons—ages nine, eight, six, five, and two. I was devastated. Although shattered, I didn't have to worry about finances because a settlement had been reached, maintenance and child support amounts had been determined. The financial agreement was generous enough to support us, and I would even be able to open a savings account and wouldn't have to work until my baby went to kindergarten. The first check arrived right on schedule and all was well.

All continued to be well until two years later when all maintenance and child support came to a screeching halt. What would I do now? My salary was $11,000 a year, and rent took $9,300 of that. I was a Christian and a member of a local church, but this began the scariest faith walk I had ever been on. Many times I had prayed for God to strengthen my faith, but never in my wildest dreams did I expect this outrageous faith journey.

There just was no money. I had to close the savings account and use all that money for food and utilities. Where would the money come from to meet the monthly deficit? I prayed. I cried. I screamed at God. I asked Him, Why? I was so scared. In my head I knew God would provide because I believed Philippians 4:19, “My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” However, my emotions couldn't understand that God would provide and that I could rest in Him.

In spite of my weak faith, God was working exceedingly abundantly above anything I had ever seen in my life as a Christian. In Bible study and Sunday school classes I was always requesting prayer for my financial situation, and my closest friends knew how really dire it was.

One night at Bible study one of the men handed me an envelope. I peeked in and counted five one-hundred-dollar bills. My sons attended a Christian school, and that year at Christmas the principal called, asking for the boys' Christmas lists. A church member and a local business owner called to ask for a list of the boys' sizes. With five boys, one of my biggest expenses was the grocery bill. Our pastor called to tell us that one of the church families was giving us grocery gift certificates for the entire year to provide food for us. God did Christmas 1990 at our house.

In each of these situations, God heard and answered by using people in the church to accomplish His plans. Single parents need Christians to surround and befriend them so that if their refrigerator is empty someone in the church already knows and has taken the initiative to get it restocked. It is incredibly difficult for single parents to ask for financial help. What an opportunity for the church to minister by providing single parent ministries to help in the emotional, spiritual, financial, and social recovery from the wreckage of divorce. This truly is the ministry that God intended when He said, “Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

Single Momming It (Really)

The book My Single Mom Life by Angela Thomas is one of my absolute favorites. Angela was a single mom for...7 years-I think. She shared her life openly in this book and in doing so, she helped me (and thousands of other single moms) feel encouraged, stronger, and like I was "normal".
During the first 3 years of my own single mom life, I had an amazing group of single mom friends. We were each at different stages in our journeys and I think I speak for all of us when I say it kept us alive. Unless you are or have been a single mom, you. have. no. idea. I had no idea.
And so...the purpose of this blog is now to share stories of our single mom lives. We all need a place to come to know that we're normal, to be encouraged, and to receive strength. I personally have learned some valuable lessons on my journey and I sure would like to share them in hopes they'll help someone else.
And really, I want to see single moms flourish. Our lives are happening right now! Our kids' lives are happening is fast motion. Let's live it up now!! Why should we wait for some life-changing moment (whether it's a number in the bank, a new job, or a relationship) to take some risks, trust that God's promises are for us, and live it up?!
I am convinced that God has an especially tender heart toward women like me. I need him to be so many things to me. My Provider, My Rock, My Fortress, My Father, My Friend, My Bridegroom. His mercies are new every single morning and his gifts to us are not stifled by our single parent status--as the enemy would have us believe.
Also, ladies, I am convinced that being strong has nothing to do with being independent. Let's lean on each other, come to terms with the desires of our heart, and live in the moment for our families. Don't our kids deserve that?
Okay, that cures my itch to put my thoughts down on "paper". If you're reading this and you're not a single mom but you know one (or two or three) will you please forward this on to her?
Thanks! May God richly bless you and reveal himself to you in a very real way.