Saturday, September 8, 2007

Learning to Walk

Hmm, it seems I may have left out some details. :-)
George decided to move back with us instead of waiting until he had a job. So he's back, living with some friends, and searching for a job.
Truthfully, I was hoping we would have a couple of months of physical separation...and I wasn't prepared for the termination of benefits and his lack of income. On the other hand, it would have been very hard on Jackson to be away from his Dad for an extended period of time. Still, it is extremely hard on Jackson having to split his time between 2 parents...it seems he was expecting us to live together in Colorado.
I am having a hard time being back in Castle Rock in a totally different situation than when I left. I am freer now because I am not trapped in a lie of a marriage. But my boundary issues are magnified and I am fighting a mental battle with myself. I have learned that I desire reconciliation no matter the cost. I think, though, that God is faithfully reminding me of how I have been hurt and what is truly good for me and what is not. George now wants to work on things...but I just don't have any trust left. It will take a total tranformation in his life for me to feel safe with him.
There is just so much junk that I wish I didn't have to deal with and it is pretty overwhelming. I am looking forward to going to church tomorrow for some corporate worship. I love talking to God in that setting. And I love listening to Him in that setting too!

6 comments:

SingerMamaMelody said...

Wow...there is so much that you're processing and working through right now. Please know that I'm praying for you guys and asking God to heal your hearts...and I'll pray for trust and reconciliation. I'm glad to hear that George wants to work on things - that is so neat. And may little Jackson's heart be comforted too. May God be your strength and your hope. Much Love from MN...

weavermom said...

I did wonder where George was and what was the current situation between you - thanks for sharing.

I'll be praying for you - I'm not sure exactly what to pray for. You've been through so much! But God knows. And I will definitely pray that He will guide you and continue to give you peace.

Pam said...

Just wanted to let you know that I have been lurking, but not in the creepy sense, on your blog and am sincerely praying for you and your family, whatever form that may eventually take. I admire you that your faith and morals never waiver even in the face of temptation that would make most of us concede our true selves. Take Care.

Anonymous said...

Erin, I am so sorry for all you are going through but glad to hear that George is there for Jackson and is wanting to reconcile. I will be praying for him for him to know God's love like never before and to seek HIM like never before and for you to experience God's tender mercies every day in the midst of all the pain and uncertainty. Hope we can talk soon! Love, Gwen

Michelle (wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, and striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman) said...

Erin,
You are in my heart and prayers. The internet has such a crazy way of connecting people who have never met. Funny...as we both in the Denver metro area (though I am on the west side).
I found your blog through Noah Steven's, and I am thankful. You have a strong faith...stay true to your God first and foremost.
My husband and I were seperated 1.5 years after just 2 years of marriage. We reconciled (after filing for divorce and getting to the final stages), and have been together 17+ years at this point. I desired reconcilation, but after he moved in with another woman, I basically gave up on that dream. God is so good, and I think He was just waiting for me to get out of the way. What a painful way for that to happen. But, during the 1.5 years I didn't have good boundaries...which caused more hurt and pain and probably kept my husband from coming to terms with what he wanted for so long.
Trust is critical, and you can't force it. Hang in there, and I pray you feel the effects of all those praying for you...
Michelle

Jess said...

God is the protector of your heart, I am praying for clear direction in your relationship.
I too have been seperated due to many issues in our relationship, we were able to reconcile and will celebrate 5 yesrs next month. God can and will do miracles.