1. deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like.
2. regret for any past action.
the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.
Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful.
Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology.
Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly: a humble cottage.
a prominent Christian grace (Rom. 12:3; 15:17, 18; 1 Cor. 3:5-7; 2 Cor. 3:5; Phil. 4:11-13). It is a state of mind well pleasing to God (1 Pet. 3:4); it preserves the soul in tranquillity (Ps. 69:32, 33), and makes us patient under trials (Job 1:22). Christ has set us an example of humility (Phil. 2:6-8). We should be led thereto by a remembrance of our sins (Lam. 3:39), and by the thought that it is the way to honour (Prov. 16:18), and that the greatest promises are made to the humble (Ps. 147:6; Isa. 57:15; 66:2; 1 Pet. 5:5). It is a "great paradox in Christianity that it makes humility the avenue to glory."
Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary
For the past few weeks I have been asking God to show me how I have sinned against George. It is hard for George to communicate to me how I have hurt him...it always ends up sounding like he's accusing me and blaming me and then I get angry and defensive. And then we're both extra angry. My heart has been heavy and in my journey to become the woman that God created me to be, I have desired humility. I have written about my old desire to change George to be more of what I wanted him to be. Even though there are certain changes that would need to take place in order for our marriage to be healed, I have worked very hard at treating him with grace and acceptance. But I felt like I was missing something. I felt like my apologies were not enough for George.
Yesterday George and I had an argument and I was feeling really frustrated. I felt like all of the ways in which I have changed and grown have not been recognized by George. So after my phone died mid-conversation, I sat down to write out my thoughts and feelings. When I reread what I wrote, one paragraph really convicted me. I wrote:
Our marriage could have been saved. You know that I made a 180 degree turn when you finally talked to me about how you were feeling. Unfortunately, that change was not respected. You just continued to hurt me. Even when I was pregnant and carrying our child, you did not respect me. You will never know the depth of the hurt that I endured. I cry every time I think about it. You can try to compare my chiding you for being rude while we were married but I never abandoned you. Being abandoned is the absolute worst feeling in the world.
At the moment I read those words, God showed me that George has also felt abandoned. That when I withheld my love from him and became emotionally distant, he felt abandoned. He tried to tell me what he needed from me but I wouldn't give it to him without him giving me what I needed. Tears flooded my face when I realized the depth of George's pain. Being abandoned IS the worst feeling in the world. And we've both felt that way.
I talked to George this morning and repented. My sorrow was deep. I felt a cloud lift off of our relationship. I don't know if my repentance changes anything, but I made certain before I talked to George that I was repenting for the right reason. I didn't expect anything in return, I just wanted him to know how sorry I am for the hurt I caused him.