Griffin Jacob

Brought to you with permission:

Today at 5:30 Eastern Standard Time, Erin delivered Griffin Jacob naturally, without any need for induction...he died in utero. He weighed in at 12 ounces and measured 10 inches long. Erin said he has Jackson's nose, George's jaw line and a muscular build like a long, lanky basketball player (Erin has a great lean muscular build but she probably didn't say that so she wouldn't be bragging...so I added that part).

Erin was grateful that she was able to go into labor on her own. Earlier today the doctors did an amnio where they injected some sort of blue fluid and then waited to see when or if it left her body. It came out immediately, meaning there was a tear in her placenta.

She said she and the nurse and her mom have taken a lot of pictures because a photographer wasn't available due to the quick delivery.

Tonight Erin and George will have a blessing service to dedicate Griffin Jacob to the Lord.

If you are interested in Erin's contact information, please email me at: adexoxox@gmail.com. I'll get back to you as soon as possible. She does not know how long they will keep her at the hospital.

Thank you so much for your prayers. Erin said she could sense God's peace beyond measure.

This is Adrienne, Erin's friend from Denver. Erin has been hospitalized for bed rest since Saturday morning due to her placenta previa. She will be 20 weeks tomorrow, however, today, unless a miracle comes in some other way, Erin is due to deliver Griffin Jacob either through c-section or induction. George, Jackson, and Erin's mom are with her now and are waiting to be transported to a larger facility in Charlottesville, VA, where doctors are waiting. Erin's WBC is really high because her amniotic fluid count has dropped dramatically. Griffin needs a miracle to live on this earth. Erin, George and Jackson need prayers for healing, strength, protection and hope. Erin said she has peace in her heart with what all is happening, but will you all please just lift up this family in your prayers as the hours and days approach? Miracles and healing STILL happen!

Until Erin is able or wants to, I'll post updates for her here when I receive them.

Love

I just wrapped up Beth Moore's Loving Well series.

God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgement Day--our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life--fear of death, fear of judgement--is one not yet fully formed in love.

We, though, are going to love--love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.

1 John 4:16-19 The Message

Beth talked about God's love for us and our love for others...and God's love for others THROUGH us. Most of the women in the group (there were 13 of us) were always reluctant to share. I couldn't figure it out. I mean, we're all listening to the same fabulous woman sharing her heart and God's heart and she's HILARIOUS in this series and then...silence. No sharing. Questions...no answers. I couldn't figure it out. Or--if there were answers, they were what I call preaching answers (which I used to give all the time). It's the "Well, I think sometimes we...". I'm telling you, I basically sliced myself open and exposed all of my insides to these women in an effort to get them to open up.

Then something occurred to me. I wondered if these women haven't yet grasped the depth of God's love for them and therefore cannot love themselves so deeply. And so they are living in fear of being judged, exposed, etc. I don't know, I really don't, that's just a thought that occurred to me yesterday. And as my friend, Adrienne, says--when you have a thought that's smarter than you are, it's probably God. I really have never thought much about self-love.

We're called to be selfless, sure. But that certainly doesn't mean becoming a doormat. Now I'm talking about myself, not the women from my bible study. Have I been a doormat? In my marriage, I do believe I have. Even when I tried to stand up for myself, I still didn't set true boundaries that show self-respect. And actually it's not just in my marriage. In my quest to control how people feel about me, I made decisions about what I said and what I did based upon how I thought it would make someone feel about me. WEIRD, SAD, PATHETIC.

It took just one circumstance for me to realize this about myself. I won't go into the details, because it would take too long, but I basically knew on Tuesday that I was going to have set a boundary and stick to it NO MATTER WHAT. I was terrified. And it was SO hard. Ridiculously hard, actually. And it didn't feel good until about 24 hours later. Do you know why it took so long? Because I was wondering all that time what the person on the other side of my boundary was thinking about me. I have a long, hard road ahead of me but I'm ready for it.

I'm waiting for my copy of Boundaries by those really smart guys, Cloud and Townsend, to come in the mail. I also ordered Safe People...to help me learn to look for certain characteristics in people to both gravitate to and stay away from.

So...back to loving well. I'm thinking that we really cannot love others well until we've embraced God's love for us and mirror His love for us. Until then, we'll always look to others for love and acceptance. And others' love for us just cannot match God's love for us. It can come close, but it can't match it because only God is God. And God IS perfect love.

Okay, now for an update. In 2 weeks I will be back in COLORADO!! I feel like I'm going home. God so generously gave me an opportunity to sell real estate AND have income stability while I'm getting back in touch with my past clients. This means I can work from home a lot and NOT put my kids in full time daycare. I will be living temporarily in my friends' finished basement. I'll be looking for either a house-sitting position or someone's mother-in-law apartment until I know what I can truly afford monthly.

Jackson is excited to see his old friends. He's disappointed that we're not going to be living in our old house. I'm sure it will be hard for both of us to drive by our house but not get to live there. Oh well, it's only a house!

More updates to come!

Adventures

First of all, thanks to all of you who have been praying for my placenta. I'm continuing to bleed every day, but have not had any major bleed-outs.

George, Jackson, and I went to Cape Charles this weekend. George's friend, Chris, came with us. I was hoping to relax, but instead was really emotional. I'm really vulnerable right now and being around George, but not being important to him is really hard to stand. So I had my biggest cry yet. I literally started hyperventilating. Thankfully my best friend, Christina, called toward the end of my crying session and helped me feel better.

That was on Friday. Saturday was much, much better...emotionally anyway. We left yesterday morning to come home and we were involved in a 4 car pile up in Viriginia Beach. We were the 3rd car in the pile up and the ones hit by the guy behind us who wasn't paying attention and so didn't realize that everyone else was stopping. I had lied down maybe 10 minutes earlier in the backseat to try to get a nap in. (We had just left Jackson with his grandma!!) So this might be the only time it was good that I wasn't wearing a seat belt because the belt would have caused a lot of impact to my abdomen. So instead of getting whiplash, I fell into the floor of George's truck and smashed my knees against the console. That was the only thing I hit. No one was seriously injured, no ambulance came. We were just sitting on the highway for an hour while the state trooper got everything filed. George's truck might be totalled, we won't know until later this week. We were able to drive it home, but the frame seems to be damaged.

George was experiencing a great deal of pain in his head, neck, and back on the drive home so after we took Chris home, we went to the ER. After examining George and prescribing him some anti-inflammatories and Vicodin, the doctor wanted to examine me as well. He looked at my knees and thought my right knee cap might be cracked so they ran some X-Rays. Not cracked, thank God! Then they took me over to ultrasound to check on the baby and the placenta. Baby looks good...and is quite obviously a BOY!!! It was about the funniest thing I have ever seen. I didn't find out Jackson's gender so I never saw his anatomy while in my womb. We got a profile shot of him and we were surprised to see that he truly does resemble Jackson. I mean, am I crazy? But his head, neck, and chest look just like my first son. And he clearly has the Szczerba noggin. This baby's gestational age is 17 weeks, 4 days. By the size of his head, the computer generated his age to be 18 weeks, 2 days. I'm scanning the picture now to see if I can post it so you can have a look.



We have already chosen his name. We both agreed on Griffin as a first name. I like both Jude and Jacob as a middle name, but was leaning toward Jude. George chose Jacob...so there you have it. Griffin Jacob!

So now George and I are at home, both unable to do much. We should really be packing. Ugh.

There's a lot more that I want to post, but I think I'll do some processing and filtering before I put it all down "on paper".

Pray for My Placenta Please

I don't think I've written much about my placenta previa. The bleeding has continued since it first started 6 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago I went to the ER because the bleeding was very heavy. On Tuesday I had another really heavy bleed and clot the size of a plum! My mom had to convince me to call my midwife on Wednesday and when I described the blood to her, she put me on bed rest. I had a prenatal appointment with her on Friday and we talked about what to expect with a previa. She said that if the previa is smack dab directly over the cervix, the chances of it moving are pretty slim. But if the previa is covering the cervix yet off to the side a little, there's a good chance it will move. I'll know about the position of the placenta on August 28th when I go in for my 20 week ultrasound. If the placenta has not moved away from the cervix by week 28, there is very little chance that it will move. So then I'll be scheduled for a c-section and will have to be monitored closely because the cervix can start to be dysfunctional...leading to a bleed out and an emergency c-section no matter how early it is.
So...please stretch out your hands and pray that the good Lord will move the placenta.
Because I'm supposed to be spending as much time on the couch as possible, George is moving back in on Sunday to help out. Please also pray that these next few weeks together are friendly and easy going. The plan, as of now, is to head for Colorado on August 30th!!
Praise for His love and faithfulness...I was given a 3rd opportunity with Fuller this past week and it is by far the best. This position would be as the buyer specialist working with a heavy hitting agent in my old office. I would work with all of her buyers and also be able to work with my past clients and she'd work with all of the sellers. I'd be able to work from home when I'm not showing properties and THAT is what appeals to me the most. Well, I also love showing properties, so that's pretty good too. :-)
I will stay with friends until I find a more permanent place to live. The people with the house in Country Club have been on vacation and unreachable for the past week. I did sign up on some house-sitting websites so we'll see what comes from that. Please continue to pray that God will provide us with a great place to live.
Jackson has grown up a lot since April. He is such a godly little man. I have a few Jacksonisms to share with you:
George came over last week and was pretty choked up. He apologized to me and said he regrets the decisions he has made and they are affecting every area of his life. Jackson said, "Dad, God will forgive you!"
In the car one day I was pointing out the beautiful sunset to Jackson and he said (quite rudely), "Mom, there is no sun over there." I was explaining what a sunset is and he said with much attitude and a big frown on his face, "There is NO sun!". I pulled the car into a parking lot without saying a word and when I had parked I turned around and put my hand on his thigh and said, "Jackson, you may not EVER speak to me that way. You are being disrespectful and rude and that is absolutely NOT okay. Do You Understand?" The crocodile tears spilled over and he nodded his head. As we got back onto the road he said, "Mom, you hurt my feelings. I think you need to say you're sorry." I said, "Actually, there is a difference between me hurting your feelings and disciplining you. It is my job to help you understand what is right and what is wrong. And it is your job to do what?" "Obey" "Right, so maybe you should apologize to me for being rude." So he did. A minute or so passed and he said, "Mom, I think Jesus is mad at me for being rude to you." "Well, I'm not sure he's mad at you, but I'll bet he's pretty sad." "I think I should tell Jesus I'm sorry for being rude to you." And he put his little head down and spoke to his heart, "Jesus, I'm sorry for being rude to my mommy. Please forgive me." And he looked up at me, smiled, and said, "He forgave me!".
Another day in the car Jackson asked me if I still love Daddy. I said that I sure do! So he asked me why I don't want him to live with us. I thought for a moment and said, "It's not that I don't want him to live with us. I do. But Daddy is not treating me the way I want to be treated. I want my husband to love me, protect me, do nice things for me, and cherish me. You know?" My son then said, "Mommy, do you know who does those things?" I said, "Who?" and he said, "I do. I do those things!". I thought my love for him was going to explode out of my chest!
Okay, last one.
Last Wednesday morning I was doing my Bible study out on the front porch and Jackson was riding his bike. He stopped, came over to me, and said, "Mom, I think we need to pray for Daddy now." We pray for him every night before bed. I said, "Well, I really need to finish up this study but you can pray for him." So I watched him pace up and down the walkway praying out loud but so quietly that I couldn't hear him. It must have last for 2 minutes! My heart was swelling. Then he looked at me and said, "Alright! I prayed for Daddy and for Noah." And he got back on his bike and kept riding.
I see the world differently when I'm with Jackson. He truly lights up my life!