Thursday, April 10, 2008

Thoughts and Feelings

Since my last post, I've had 2 counseling sessions and lots of ups and downs. I've come to realize that my current grief is not so much about the last year, but the reality of my life right now. I was in survival mode for so long and was so completely wrapped in the warmth of God that I didn't have a chance to realize that it pretty much sucks to be a single mom. Don't get me wrong, I am choosing to live a fabulous life. However, this life I'm living is not what I originally chose! It's been good to be able to talk to other single moms and just be real and say, "Yeah, this sucks." The loneliness is at times overwhelming and sometimes it's just a dull ache in the pit of my stomach.
There are so many ugly factors that we, as humans on Earth, have to live with. Ugliness that we didn't choose for our lives. I hope I can take the ugliness as a challenge to grow spiritually even though everything around me is in a state of constant decay. The more I learn about God and His desire for us, the more I am shocked at how far we are living from what He originally dreamed up. But He is in those of us who have made Him our Lord...and His Spirit does not decay. That is something worth living for!

4 comments:

weavermom said...

Consider yourself hugged! :)

Praying for you.

Misi said...

wow Erin,
you clarified alot for me. that's exactly how i'm feeling, just didn't know how to say it.... praying for you.

Dena said...

Erin -

Believe me when I say - you will be fine - that pit will start to ache less and less - the routine will help and friends will fill that void - you will one day appreciate the time alone!

Shannon and Carey said...

Hi Erin,
Shannon in Austin here. I have been through a divorce many years ago........it just plain sucks!!!! The pit in your stomach will subside. I promise you that. Remember that post I sent you a long time ago? Its true. This all goes away with time and lots of love/understanding from friends and family and from Jesus Christ.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Shannon in Austin