Since my last post, I've had 2 counseling sessions and lots of ups and downs. I've come to realize that my current grief is not so much about the last year, but the reality of my life right now. I was in survival mode for so long and was so completely wrapped in the warmth of God that I didn't have a chance to realize that it pretty much sucks to be a single mom. Don't get me wrong, I am choosing to live a fabulous life. However, this life I'm living is not what I originally chose! It's been good to be able to talk to other single moms and just be real and say, "Yeah, this sucks." The loneliness is at times overwhelming and sometimes it's just a dull ache in the pit of my stomach.
There are so many ugly factors that we, as humans on Earth, have to live with. Ugliness that we didn't choose for our lives. I hope I can take the ugliness as a challenge to grow spiritually even though everything around me is in a state of constant decay. The more I learn about God and His desire for us, the more I am shocked at how far we are living from what He originally dreamed up. But He is in those of us who have made Him our Lord...and His Spirit does not decay. That is something worth living for!