Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Eventually

Last night I was tucking Jackson into bed. I had put a towel down on the fitted sheet, hoping that if his Pull-Up leaked, it wouldn't be too big of a mess. Jackson was potty trained at 2 1/2 but doesn't wake up at night if he needs to go to the bathroom...kinda runs in the family. Anyway, we had this conversation:

Jackson: Mom, why are you putting the towel down?

Me: Just in case you leak tonight.

Jackson: But Mom, you know, if you just put a towel down, EVENTUALLY, it will

soak through right to the sheet.

Me: Laughter. Well, you're right! How'd you get to be so smart? I mean really,

EVENTUALLY?

He's such a good communicator.


Well, I put the towel down anyway, just made me feel better.


I'm feeling hazy these days. I hope to be blogging more often in coming weeks because I told the woman I've been working with/for since March that I need to phase out of my position. I cannot continue to work 24/7 in real estate. Sure, the money can be great but I've been stressed beyond words and going out of my mind.
A couple of weeks ago I felt God nudging me toward full time ministry. I thought I must have been making that up--I figured that everyone who is passionate about God feels that way sometimes (even though I've felt that way often for quite some time). I asked my friend Marie what she thought. She said what most of you are probably thinking...Um, I'm passionate about God, but I've never felt called to full time ministry. I think God is telling you something. My first reaction was feeling tired. Like, God, can't I just relax??? My second reaction was knowing there was no way I was going to try to plan my future in ministry. Hey!! I HAVE learned something and it has STUCK! No, no planning. Praying, yes, listening, yes, putting my feelers out, yes, taking some risks, yes. Planning, no.
My heart is for women and their marriages. And for women who have suffered divorce. I have lived in a sucky marriage and it is the loneliest place I can imagine. And I have suffered divorce and know that God can make beauty from ashes. I also know that satan gets all the satisfaction when a marriage has lost its joy and boy, does he ever work hard to make that happen! That is not okay with me. That's about all I know at this point.
ALTHOUGH, God did show me that in order to pursue ministry opportunities, I need to lighten my work load. Hence the job decision. He also gave me the great idea of Go Green Clean and by golly, I'm going to work toward franchising it! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!
And thank the Lord, I've had wonderful closure regarding that relationship I've mentioned. Phew!
I kind of have a lot to say. I've also decided to be more proactive in doing fun activities with Jackson. We're going to start hiking some trails that are doable for a 5 year old. I really love to camp but can't really do that by myself with Jackson. The Lyon's Folk Festival is in a couple of weeks and I'm pretty sure you can set up camp at the festival. So, that's what we're going to do! Live music, lots of people, good eats, and sleeping under the stars. What could be better? And I'm going to see about joining a single parents Meetup. I know a lot of single moms but would love to join a group with single dads too...nice to have them around for the heavy lifting and fire making.
So back to feeling hazy. My passion is subdued right now and I don't like it one bit. I feel restless and at the same time, lazy. This is probably not accurate but it's how I feel. Perhaps God is giving me the time to "just relax" that I have expressed a need for. I don't know what the heck is going on, but I'm ready for my hunger for the next Word from God to come back. I had a thought today that I'm pretty sure was actually the Holy Spirit. I thought that perhaps I need to put myself "out there" and get involved in some sort of ministry that would challenge me to seek God, hear from Him, repent of some sin, and GROW. And share! Again, PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!
Okay, Jackson is in bed already (it's 7:45!) and so I'm going to take advantage of this time and find a good television drama to stare at for a little while.

1 comment:

Adrienne said...

I'm praying for you, friend! You are a brave woman and a great mama! Hope we are part of the good eats! Love you! xoxox