Saturday, March 7, 2009

Seasons Change, Y'all.

Sometimes it's hard to blog. Can you imagine? Often it's because of lack of time and other times it's because of lack of inspiration.
I've been journaling a lot lately so I guess that is taking the place of blogging for me.
I have a heavy heart this morning. One of my college roommates is going through almost exactly what I went through 2 years ago. I have cried many tears for her family. Despair is an awful feeling, even when you know the Lord. When you're walking in unknown territory, it's scary. It feels impossible to move forward. But I am thanking God that my friend has taken one big, frightening step forward. God will give us just enough light for the next step. He is so faithful is guiding us to a place of restoration, peace, joy, happiness, and freedom.
I was reading back through my blog, trying to find a post that might encourage her today. It is not easy to read back through those hard, hard months. The memory of the pain is always near! But I am on the other side now and I PRAISE GOD for that. As I was reading through the posts, Natalie was singing Held. Gosh, I love that song. I cry for the pain of others every time I hear it!
So...I am beginning to date. It's fun and totally scary at the same time. I'm no Elisabeth Elliott, that's for dang sure! But she is an encouragement to me and a mentor for this journey. I cannot express how thankful I am to have friends who are understanding about my situation. That just because they are married, they don't think dating is trivial and easy. My friends are holding me accountable, encouraging me, and praying for me...and they're interested in hearing the details!
I was talking to my Mom yesterday and she helped me to see that I have never been in a healthy dating relationship. Well, there was one in high school, but it was more that the guy was really healthy...and I was 16. So, what I am used to and have been expecting is not what I am experiencing and that is actually a good thing! The Lord has been telling me to be patient. That's not easy for me, I like to make things happen! But I am surrendering that desire everyday. I am also focusing on living in the moment instead of trying to figure out what the future holds. This was another suggestion from my Mom, and something I felt like I could really get my brain around.
I can feel a season of change coming on. I don't feel attached to anything at the moment. God has shown me that I need to step away from ministry for awhile and just participate in a Bible study so that I can really enjoy it. So after this semester of CBS, I'll be done for awhile. My Beth Moore study finished up a couple of weeks ago and that was a big relief. I felt like I was constantly doing homework, and not enjoying God's Word the way I have in the past.
So, that's what's up with me! Is anybody still out there? :-)


Celeste said...
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Celeste said...

Hi Erin! (Or should I say Erino?!) I totally remember you now! We sat by the pool and chatted at the Rec. Center while our kids were swimming. And we talked about Bible Studies. You can totally take that saying from the side of my page, since I took it from someone else's page once!
Praying this would be a year of refreshing for you, and that you would experience Jesus and His presence like never before! Blessings- Celeste
ps I deleted my 1st comment because there was a typo, and that drives me nuts.. :)

Misi said...

Yes I'm still here and reading:-)
As for the dating.. Well, after my one and only disaster I am remaining uninterested in men on any level. My heart's just not there yet. And it's hard to imagine it ever will be. I don't think I will ever be able to trust again:-(
Blessings to you though on your adventure!

nancygrayce said...

Hey Erin....I'm still here listening. You are very insightful and will probably be very good at counseling women who are going through what you've been through. My only suggestion would be to be very careful, because sometimes listening to someone going through a situation you have already been through, opens up those old wounds and floods your heart. So just guard your heart!
love, nancy

weavermom said...

You probably can, but I can't believe it's been 2 years already! I'm so glad that your heart is lighter and that you are in the next "season."

Do you know yet which bible study you are going to do? I know of a great Monday morning one... ;)

weavermom said...
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nancygrayce said...

God bless your heart! I remember that dating as an "older woman" thing. I had the same problem with not having healthy relationships. When I met my husband, I was very wary of him because he was so different from any man I had ever dated...he was normal! He's a God loving man and we have a wonderful marriage! However, we dated for 2 1/2 years. So I agree with your mom, no hurry, take it slow and just enjoy having a good time, with a Christian of course! :)