Sunday, June 21, 2009
It's my vice. The pursuit of perfection, that is. I guess maybe I feel safe there. It feels safe to not screw up...and it feels safe to be an open book when there are no screw ups to share!!! Because, you know, I was all about exposure when I was walking through the fire 2 years ago. (2 years, I can hardly believe it!!) And obedience IS important to me...but obedience is very different from perfection.
I was starkly reminded not long ago that I AM NOT PERFECT. I was afraid at first, but then I realized that that means I need Jesus. Yep, still need Him!!! I am humbled, once again. I am reminded, once again, that I am no better than ANYONE ELSE. I remember, now, that Jesus came because I'll never get it right all the time.
When you're perfect, you can judge others. When you think you're perfect, you judge others. Yep, speaking from personal experience here!! On my most recent pursuit of perfection, I was judging others without knowing it. And then, I was judged. And it hurt...it hurt so deeply and the wound stayed raw for a long time. I was judged by a close friend, which I'm sure is why it hurt so badly. As I prayed about the situation, I realized that gossip only happens when you think you're better than someone else...and that's judgment. I am guilty of gossip. It wasn't until I was gossiped about that I realized I was gossiping too. Ouch.
God knows everything about me and He does not withhold his love from me. I now know how important it is to be honest about our screw ups...because they're real. They're part of who we are. Others can relate to us when we're open about the good AND the bad. But most importantly, God wants us to talk to Him about where we've failed and what we're struggling with. He already knows, afterall! But I know He so deeply desires that we share those things with Him. He sent His son to experience our suffering. In His death on the Cross, He participated in my suffering: past, present, and future. Who else has done that for me? I'm not going to pretend like I don't struggle...anymore.