Griffin Jacob

Today was Griffin's due date. It is hard to believe that under other circumstances, I would be preparing for my baby to come home.
Last night Jackson caught the end of a news story about a kindergartener who was killed by a falling flat screen TV. He was so sad about it and concerned for the boy who died, so we prayed for the boy and his family. I prayed first and then Jackson prayed a precious prayer. Afterward he said, "Mom, when will our baby come back to Earth?". I said, "Well, when Jesus comes back."
I was looking through pictures the other day and there were a lot that I took of Jackson in Virginia. I literally become sick to my stomach when I think of our time there. I also hate that Jackson has had to endure what he has. There have been a few times in the last week when someone has said, "So you just moved back from Virginia, right?". I feel my chest constrict and my stomach start to churn as soon as the statement has been said. I am so glad to be back in Colorado and out of that hell. I am grateful for all that I've learned and for the wonderful friendships that I had the opportunity to develop while I was there. But I certainly don't like to spend too much time thinking about all that went on during that time of my life.
I think about Griffin everyday. I'm not usually too sad, but a couple of times a week it's as though grief slaps me in the face. It only lasts a few minutes, but it always takes me by surprise. I'm definitely looking forward to getting to know him someday!